The Wizard of Oz
by The Blue Seeress
Summary: my one year anniversary fanfic! a parody on the wizard of oz, so r&r please! funniness and insanity.
1. On Site

**The Wizard of Oz**

  


As Twisted by _The Blue Seeress_

  


Starring the Gundam Wing Cast! (which I do not own!)

  
  
  
Zechs: *dressed in long black dress and witches hat* Some one is going to die a slow, painful death over this.  
  
Heero: *wearing blue pinafore with white apron* *inarticulate with rage*  
  
Duo: Awww, but the color brings out your eyes, Hee-chan! *scratches* And you're not stuffed with straw!  
  
Quatre: *flutters around in frothy pink dress* Yay! Pretty fairy princess!  
  
All: *sweatdrop*  
  
Treize: *practising lines* PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!  
  
Wufei: *glaring balefully* *lions mane falls over eyes* INJUSTICE!!! I have more courage than all of you put together so why am I the cowardly lion!  
  
See: *appears* *rapidly disapears to avoid knives, bullets and straw thrown at her* *reappears* Ah...I take it you are displeased with your parts.  
  
Quatre: *flits past, spinning* Nope! Fairy princess!  
  
Zechs: HELL YES!!! I'M IN DRAG!!  
  
Heero: As am I. This was not part of the mission.  
  
See: Sure it was. And you get to kill Zechs! Isn't that worth a dress?  
  
Heero: *considers*  
  
Trowa: *gaping at script* I have to SING!!? I've never sang a note in my life!  
  
Duo: Liar, I heard you in the shower. And we all have to sing! It's a fucking musical!  
  
Heero: I _refuse_ to sing "Some where over the Rainbow".  
  
See: *mutters* Sorry, Chik, I can put him in a pinafore, I can take away his spandex, I can hide his gun, but I can't make him sing that song.  
  
Quatre: *suddenly angry* Duo, why have you been listening to my koi in the shower?  
  
See: *hastily* All this is beside the point. We need to get started.  
  
Zechs: Remind me why we're doing this?  
  
See: Drum roll please. *drum roll starts in background* IT'S MY ONE YEAR ANIVERSARY OF FANFIC WRITING!!!  
  
Duo: My god, you've been doing horrible things to us for a year?  
  
Heero: That's scary.  
  
See: And since I started with a parody, I'm doing another one to complete the cycle.  
  
Quatre: Oh yeah, that Gundam Crossed Lovers thing. That was fun!  
  
Trowa: But Quatre, you got shot.  
  
Quatre: And I had a dramatic death scene ^_^.  
  
See: Yeah....anyway, that's why I'm doing this. _YOU'RE_ doing this because you have no choice.  
  
Zechs: Oh yeah, I forgot. I vote we get started now so we can finish sooner.  
  
Heero: I second that.  
  
See: *imitation of uncle on Jackie Chan* One more thing! *back to normal* There will be a lot of characters labled ROSE (insert tag here). ROSE stands for Random Oz Soldier Extraoridanaire, and the tags show their character. M is flying monkey *grins* C is munchkin (chibi), E is Emerald city Person, T is evil apple tree.  
  
Treize: How did you get clearance for all those Oz soldiers?  
  
See: I'll tell you later, alright? Places, happy people. *turns toward audience* You guys too. Meet ya on stage. 


	2. In ChibiLand, Oz

**The Wizard of Oz**

  


As Twisted by _The Blue Seeress_

  


Starring the Gundam Wing Cast! (which I do not own!)

  
  
  
(Scene on farm. Heero is sitting on a fence,staring of into spandex space. ROSE dressed as Aunt Em walks on stage)  
  
ROSE Aunt Em: Dorothy! Mrs. What's-her-face just called! She says your cat Toto bit her and he's going to have him put down!  
  
Heero: So?  
  
ROSE Aunt Em: *mutters* That's not your line, baka.  
  
Heero: *death glares* *assumes expression of overwrought anxiety* Oh no! Poor Toto! They can't put him down, they just can't!  
  
ROSE Aunt Em: I'm afraid they can, dear. *receives glare from Heero* *flinches* *mutters* Fine, I won't call you dear anymore. Sheesh. *normal* The law is on her side!  
  
Heero: But Aunt Em, Toto is my dearest friend in the whole wide world! I'll take her and we'll run far away where what's-her-name can't get us. *runs of stage*  
  
ROSE Aunt Em: You forgot Toto!  
  
Heero: Damn *runs back* *scoops up fluffly white persian* *scowls* *runs off again*  
  
ROSE Aunt Em: DOROTHY!! Wait! There's a twister coming! *runs in opposite direction*  
  
(Intrusion of Director)  
  
See: Due to budget cuts and lack of Dorothy's actor's willingness to scream like a girl on a rollercoaster *scowls in Heero's direction* we will not be showing the tornado scene. To recap: It was loud, messy, and Zech's skirt flew up repeatedly. Back to the show.  
  
(Heero is slumped on the ground, unconscious. ROSE C's gather around)  
  
ROSE Ca: Ooooooohhh.  
  
Other ROSE C's: Ooooooohh.  
  
Heero: *wakes up* AAAAAAACCCCKKK!!! CHIBIESS!!!!  
  
Rose C's: EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!  
  
Heero: *mutters* Dear God, See, how many times did you kick them in the balls before they could shriek that high?  
  
(evil laugh rings softly over landscape)  
  
Heero: Right. *gets into character* Oh dear! Where am I!  
  
ROSE Cb: *squeaky voice* You're in the land of OZ!! *other chibies nod excitedly*  
  
Heero: *zero mode* Oz is my enemy! *blinks* I mean, Oz? Where's the land of Oz?  
  
ROSE Cb: *still squeaky* Here! *other chibies nod some more*  
  
Heero: That tells me nothing at all. I'm so confused.  
  
Toto: *gets flung on stage* *yowls loudly* *scratches Heero*  
  
Heero: AAARRGGGGHHH!! DAMN CAT!! Uh, I mean, Toto! You're safe!  
  
ROSE Ca: *squeakiness* Looooook! *other chibies echo*  
  
(Bubble floats in and turns into Quatre with a shimmer)  
  
Quatre: Ooooh, that was cool! Let's do it again!  
  
Heero: Who are you?  
  
Quatre: Oooh, chibies! How cute! *glomps a few ROSE C's*  
  
Heero: Quatre, dammit, your lines!  
  
Quatre: Oh yeah. *drops the chibies* My dear, you've killed the Wicked Witch of the East!  
  
Heero: *smirks* Oh how awful! I didn't mean to!!  
  
Quatre: Of course you didn't, sweetie. But killed her you did.  
  
Heero: Quatre, if you don't stop with the endearments I'll strangle you with your own skirt.  
  
Quatre: *pouts*  
  
Heero: Hn. *gets back n character* But who are you?  
  
ROSE Cb: Glenda! *chibies nod*  
  
Quatre: I'm Glenda, the good witch of the North. Who are you? The chibies want to know, are you a good witch, or a bad witch?  
  
Heero: I'm not a witch, I'm just a little girl from Kansas. *scowls*  
  
Quatre: But that's impossible. You killed the wicked Witch of the East and you're wearing her ruby shoes.  
  
Heero: *looks down at the sparkly red pumps on his feet* Oh my god, how did those get there? They look awful.  
  
Quatre: They're magic. Don't let the Wicked Witch of the West get ahold of them.  
  
(Zechs appears, right on cue)  
  
Zechs: Who killed my sister. *points at Heero* Was it you?  
  
Heero: I didn't mean to, it was an accident!  
  
Zechs: Like hell. Good job.  
  
Heero: *smirks* Was it really Relena?  
  
Zechs: Yep. She's my stunt double *grins*  
  
Heero: On my cue, chibies. 1, 2, 3....  
  
Heero and ROSE C's: DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD! WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH! dING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!!!!  
  
(Intrusion of author: I know the words by heart. Pathetic, neh?)  
  
Heero and ROSE C's: SHE'S GONE WHERE THE GOBLINS GO BE-  
  
Zechs: STOP GODDAMMIT!!!  
  
ROSE C's: *cower*  
  
Zechs: Thank God. Anyway, I'll get you my pretty *chokes on laughter* and your little *snort* *giggle* cat too! *disapears with a bang*  
  
Heero: *fakes fear* Oh no! What a horrible old witch! I've got to get home! *turns to Quatre* Can you get me home?  
  
Quatre: I'm not even sure where Kansas is. You'll have to go to see *trumpet fanfare* THE WIZARD OF OZ!!  
  
Heero: Why does Treize get a fanfare?  
  
Quatre: Got me.  
  
Heero: Oh no....not this line....  
  
Voice of Director: SAY IT!!!  
  
Heero: *cringes* Well, how do I get to see the wizard?  
  
ROSE C's: *really really squeaky* FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!! *begin to sing*  
  
Quatre: STOP!! I get to use my wand now!  
  
ROSE C's: *pout chibily (that's my word!)*  
  
Quatre: Ahem, now the yellow brick road can be dangerous, my dear, so I'm going to give you some advice and some help. Stay on the road and never get of it. Now, for your help. *pulls out wand* YAY!! *swishes it happily*  
  
Heero: *softly* Help? I don't remember....  
  
Quatre: *swishes some more* There!  
  
(bazooka appears on Heero's shoulder)  
  
Heero: *huge, evil grin* *skips off, singing* I'M OFF TO KILL THE WIZARD!!! THAT HORRIBLE BASTARD TREIZE!!! HE COMMANDS A BUNCH OF MOBILE SUITS AND KEEPS THE COLONIES CRAZED!!! IF EVER OH EVER I COULD KILL TREIZE, I WOULD KILL TREIZE, I WOULD KILL TREIZE, BECAUSE BECAUSE _BECAAAAAAAAUUUUUUSE_ *voice fades in the distance*  
  
(scene fades out to director)  
  
See: Wait! You're not supposed to kill Treize! Ah, oh well. I'll let him have fun. *turns to you* Hope you like it so far. More insanity and funniness forthcoming so review! My muses pout chibily at you! You cannot resist, so review! 


	3. The Scarecrow

**The Wizard of Oz**

  


As Twisted by _The Blue Seeress_

  


Starring the Gundam Wing Cast! (which I do not own!)

  
  
  
Director/Author Chic: *appears abruptly* YOU PEOPLE REVIEWED!!! DOOMO ARIGATOU GOZAMAISU!!! *calms down* So now I'm going to recognize all you blessed, blessed people!  
  
To Unrealistic: *bows* I'm glad you think it's perfect. *blinks* Chikra? Did Unrealistic actually say it was perfect? Wow....  
  
To DragonBlond 04: Yeah, I hate Dorothy too, but I don't want her to stab Quatre. That gown looks awful enough without bloodstains *shudders*. *looks at the rest of your review* My god, really? HANGING himself? As in with rope? Damn. Could you email me that clip, or soemthing? My addy is sote_maru@hotmail.com.  
ps. Dragons forever! Love your pen name!  
  
To GW-Imp: Aw, love ya anyway. We can't all be the first review ^_^. Don't worry, it will stay up.....shut _UP_ Duo! Not that way!  
  
To G'Vola: *makes sign against evil* No Dorothy. I don't need rapiers in this. SHUT UP DUO!! I SAID RAPIERS NOT RAPING! Yeah, well this fic was touched of by seeing a performance of "The Wiz" with my english class, so I know the feeling.  
  
to gelfling: FINALLY!! An ending to the song *grins* and a perfect reason too. I need a pic too, if I find one, I'll pass it on, BELIEVE me *dodges bullets from Heero for making him cross dress*.  
  
To Onnako: Why do you always ask that in your reviews, chibi-sister of mine? You _know_ you won't like the answer....  
  
To SisterMarmelade: Funnier than hell? That's good right? As for the Quatre thing, I'm glad you're not offended. I just _HAD_ to do it, you know? There will be more wacky Heero singing about killing people, not to worry.  
  
I would like to reiterate, THANK YOU!! You saved my ego! Now, on with the performance...  
  
  
(Scene opens to Heero walking careful down the yellow brick road, bazooka on shoulder. Toto is walking behind him)  
  
Whisper of Director: Heeeeeeeeerrooooooooo.......  
  
Heero: *points bazooka at random places in the sky* DIE RELENA!!!  
  
Ruby Slippers: *slip*  
  
Heero: *lands on his pinafored rear* *continues to point bazooka* *mutters* Goddamn kisama onore konoyaro slippers...  
  
Whisper of Director: It's me, baka. And you're supposed to be skipping!  
  
Heero: *gingerly rises to feet* I have enough trouble walking in these damn things, now you want me to skip?  
  
Whisper of Director: *sighs* Fine, fine.  
  
Ruby slippers: *abruptly change into sparkly red tennis shoes*  
  
Whisper of Director: Now skip.  
  
Heero: *smirks* Too late, I'm already at the next scene.  
  
Whisper of Director: *irritated* May you freeze in the black pits.  
  
Heero: I love you too. *looks around* Now where the hell is that braided baka?  
  
Duo: Over here. Get these damn crows off me!  
  
Heero: *sees Duo tied to stand* Did I do that?  
  
Duo: S'alright, we were both drunk and it was fun after.  
  
Heero: *blushes* Alright, hold still. *begins blasting crows with bazooka*  
  
Crows: *flap off in a terrible hurry*  
  
Duo: See is gonna kill you, you were just supposed to yell at them.  
  
Heero: Whatever. Don't we have lines here?  
  
Duo: Oh yeah. I think you're first.  
  
Heero: Right. *assumes expression of confusion* Oh no! The road branches off! Which way do I go now?  
  
Duo: Well, some people take the right fork.  
  
Heero: *looks around startled* Oh my goodness! Who said that?  
  
Duo: Still, some people also perfer the left fork.  
  
Heero: *gasps* But scarecrows don't talk!  
  
Duo: *smirks at Heero* But this one does, sugar. And he does other things too.  
  
Heero: *smiles slightly* Baka. That is _definitely_ not your line.  
  
Duo: So? *is slightly incinerated from bolt from above*  
  
Voice of Director: AFTERWARDS, you two.  
  
Duo: Owwww....fine, fine. Anyway, can you help me down from here? I've been stuck up here for an awfully long time.  
  
Heero: Of course I will. *tries to untie knots* Damn, this isn't going to work.  
  
Duo: *whispers* There's a knife in my pocket. I snuc it on hear for just such an emergency.  
  
Heero: Which pocket?  
  
Duo: *smirks again* Why don't you hunt around and see?  
  
Heero: You're wearing cargo pants. If I try to check every pocket See will get suspicious.  
  
Duo: Ah, shit. Okay, it's in my backpocket.  
  
Heero: *slides hand into Duo's pocket slowly*  
  
Duo: *starts to squirm* Ooooh, bad idea. I forgot we can't do much on the set.  
  
Heero: *grins* After, then. *pulls out knife and cuts ropes*  
  
Duo: That's much better. *jumps down* *falls*  
  
Heero: *suddenly girlish again* Oh no! Are you ok?  
  
Duo: *gets up shakily* I'm fine, just fine. *falls again* *gets up again* I've just been up there so long I've lost my balance.  
  
Heero: Oh poor scarecrow! Lean on me!  
  
Duo: Thanks. *drapes himself on Heero*  
  
Heero: Now, what were you saying about which way to go?  
  
Duo: Oh, it was nothing. Don't pay any attention to me, I don't have a brain in my head.  
  
Heero: Why, everyone has brains!  
  
Duo: Not me. *music starts* Oh crap, I forgot the words!  
  
Heero: You forgot the words?  
  
Duo: I forgot the words.  
  
Voice of Director: You forgot the words?  
  
Duo: I forgot the words.  
  
Random ROSE walking by: You forgot the words?  
  
Duo: YES DAMMIT! I FORGOT THE WORDS TO THAT DAMNED IDIOT SONG!!! YOU CAN _ALL_ BITE ME!!!  
  
Heero: Chill. We'll skip the song.  
  
Director: The bloody hell we will.  
  
(Lightening bolt zaps from above)  
  
Duo: Oww...are you not aware that straw is flamable? *blinks* Hey, I think I remember the words now.  
  
Heero: *sighs* Oh well, I didn't really think I'd get out of it.  
  
Duo: *clears throat* I'd while away the hours conferring with the flowers, consultin' with the rain...  
  
Heero: Are we sure we're talking about brains here?  
  
Duo: What else could it be?  
  
Heero: Well it _sounds_ like effects from crack.  
  
Duo: You know, it does, doesn't it? Ok....*resumes singing* And my mind would be flying while on the grass I'd be lying, if I only had some crack!  
  
Heero: O_O You'd better hope See is out of lightening.  
  
Duo: *starts dancing around* I would hug around the middle of ev'ry individual and pat them on the back....uh, I think it's your turn Heero.  
  
Heero: *sighs* *thinks a moment* With the things you'd be seeing you'd give serious thought to fleeing...  
  
Duo: *cheerfully* If I only had some crack! *stops singing* Are we done now?  
  
Heero: Let's just get out of here.  
  
Voice of Director: Don't forgot to skip!  
  
Duo: *bows* At once, Holy Seeress! *skips off hastily with Heero in tow*  
  
(scene closes. reopens at Spandex Space on director)  
  
See: That was a great deal...uh, shall we say dirtier? than the other chapters. And shorter. I'm sorry....kind of...sort of....a little bit.....not really...oh well. Anyway, I have sad news. School is closing soon. I can only upload at school. I may yet find a way around the restriction, but until then it will be quite some time before I can upload anything. I might get another chapter of this in before the end, but I might not. Patience, yes? Please? And don't forget to review. Bai-bai, for now. 


	4. Apple Trees and the Tinman

**The Wizard of Oz**

  


As Twisted by _The Blue Seeress_

  


Starring the Gundam Wing Cast! (which I do not own!)

  
  
  
(fade in on Blue Seeress)  
  
See: Oha, minna-san! We're at it again. Sorry for the delay. But I'm back in school, so we will now continue! We've also made some improvements during the overly extended intermission. For example, Trowa and Wufei's costumes have been equipped with air conditioning units!  
  
Trowa and Wufei: *grin in relief*  
  
See: Quatre's dress has more ruffles!  
  
Quatre: *dances past* *sings* The best part about being a woman is the license to have a little fun, yeah! Woah-oh-oh!  
  
See: *shudders* Anyway, other changes have been made which will be made apparent. And now, to acknowledge my beloved reviewers!  
  
To Spaz: Wow, and out of no where, a review! YOU ROCK!! You're the only person who reviewed a month after postage. How did you find it? Hilarious? Honest? Wow....*ego doubles in size*  
  
To Aoi_Ken: I needed a character for Duo, there where none left over for you and I LOVE 1X2. Live with it! Wait, your passing around my pictures!?!?!? Ah God....tell your roomie exactly how old I am, ok? But thanks for (fianlly) reviewing, Nick-chan. Love ya! And miss ya too...  
  
To Sinister Marmalade: Woah, you went on a reviewing spree dincha? *tears gather in eyes* DOOMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!!!! Even after I got your name wrong...I'm really sorry abot that....anywho, yes, dealing with those two is tough, but that's what author lightening is for!  
  
to Chiki: Being funny is nice, keep working on it! Thanks for reviewing, it is DEEPLY appreaciated!  
  
To Imp Gurl: Crack kills? *kinda gets it but wonders at your sanity* At least you love it! Nothing else matters....  
  
To Anie: Whyever not? didn't the name of Treize's pet organization ring any bells? *shrugs* Aw, that's ok. And I CAN update, just I couldn't for AGES. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
To gelfling: Give Trowa a Harley huh? Interesting idea....*scribble it in the notes next to the poppies* I'm here for entertainment! bondage, beer, crack, whatever! It's my JOB!!  
  
And for those of you who haven't reviewed, DON'T BE SHY!! I love you all! Review and you too shall be immortalized in the start of the next chapter! Now, let us begin.  
  
  
(fade out and in on Duo and Heero, who are walking down THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD *trumpet fanfare*)  
  
Duo: Was that fanfare one of the "improvements"?  
  
Heero: I think so.  
  
Duo: Lovely. *spots grove of trees* Well, here we are.  
  
Heero: *expression becomes pained* Can't we wait another 100 meters?  
  
Duo: Heero! In a 100 meters we'll be past it!  
  
Heero: I know. *scowls* Let's get this over with. *claps hands together mock-gleefully* Look! Apples!  
  
Duo: Wow, you're right Dorothy! Let's stop for lunch.  
  
(both approach trees cautiously)  
  
Heero: I have never, ever seen Oz soldiers hold that still.  
  
Duo: Maybe See tranked 'em.  
  
Heero: *touches bark* They're not human.  
  
Duo: How can you tell?  
  
Heero: It's the feel of it. *reaches out and caresses Duo's chest* You, for example, are definitely human.  
  
Duo: *grins* Sure?  
  
Heero: *smirks* Come to think of it, no. Hang on. *uses both hands to feel Duo over better*  
  
Duo: *squirms excitedly* *stops suddenly* See will kill us.  
  
Heero: The trees are in her way. She can't see us. *continues ministrations*  
  
Tree #1: *whacks Heero's head with large branch*  
  
Tree #2: *slaps Heero's wrists with thinner branches*  
  
Heero: *nurses injuries* Well, so I'm wrong. Damn.  
  
Duo: Sorry, buddy. But if the trees aren't ROSE t's, then what are they?  
  
Heero: Animatronic. Keeping so many ROSE's must be expensive, after all. *reaches out and picks an apple* Ooh, they're just ripe! *mutters aside* They're also real. How the hell did she manage that?  
  
Tree #1: Hey, what do you think your doing? How would you like it if I came and picked something off of you?  
  
Duo: Well, it depends. If you were doing to pick off my braid, I'd turn you into sawdust. My shirt, I'd probably say you were going to fast and then _Heero_ would turn you in to sawdust. My-*gets slapped with branches*  
  
Heero: *is being simarly slapped* That's it. *pulls out bazooka* *stares at it in shock*  
  
Trees: *also stare*  
  
Duo: *also stares* That......is not a bazooka.  
  
Heero: No. If it were about 10 times larger, I'd say it was a gundam buster rifle. *evil thought pops into head* Duo, run back with me until I yell stop.  
  
Duo: *idea occurs to him as well* Ok, go!  
  
(both sprint away from trees)  
  
Heero: STOP! *aims buster rifle at trees*  
  
Tree #3: You wouldn't dare!  
  
Heero: I will....  
  
Duo: Not again...  
  
Heero: I will....  
  
Trees: *quake with fear*  
  
Heero: *eyes glint* I will....  
  
Duo: 4....3....2....  
  
Heero: *shouts suddenly* I WILL SURVIVE!!! *blasts trees*  
  
Trees: *disintegrate*  
  
Large, abadoned farm house behind: *also disintergrates*  
  
Sizable chunk of nearby woods: *partly disintergrates*  
  
Trowa: *breathes deeply, very happy the blast did not hit him*  
  
Duo: Hey, good shot, pal! You cleared a path all the way to the next scene!  
  
Heero: *sets butt of buster rifle on ground* *stands on tiptoe to blow smoke off top* Mission Complete. That must have been another of See's improvements.  
  
Duo: *scans sky nervously* Are you sure that was part of your mission?  
  
Heero: If it hadn't been, the lightning would have struck long before now. Let's go.  
  
(Duo and Heero walk over to Trowa)  
  
Trowa: ....  
  
Duo: Umm....I forgot what happens next.  
  
Heero: He's supposed to tell us.  
  
Duo: You mean he's actually supposed to _speak_?  
  
Trowa: *scowls in annoyance* *makes small sound in throat*  
  
Duo: Oh yeah, we have lines here too!  
  
Heero: *remembers also* Oh my gosh! *claps hands to cheeks* It's a tin man!  
  
Duo: Do you think it's a statue?  
  
Heero: No look, his eyes are moving! Maybe it's a curse.  
  
Trowa: *makes squeaky sound*  
  
Duo: What'd he say?  
  
Heero: It sounded like "oil can"!  
  
Duo: It did?  
  
Heero: Not really, but that's what the script said.  
  
Trowa: *makes louder squeaky noise*  
  
Duo: But we're supposed to be in character. If we can't understand him our characters don't know what to do!  
  
Heero: That...could be a valid point.  
  
Trowa: *looks panicky* *tries harder*  
  
Duo: *listens* Nope, still don't have a clue what he said.  
  
Trowa: *becomes angry* FINE! I SAID OIL CAN!!! OIL CAN GODAMMIT!!!  
  
Duo: O_O Ok, I heard him.  
  
Heero: o_o Yeah...*grabs oil can* *squirts oil in random places* How's that?  
  
Trowa: *moves around stiffly* Yes, that's much better. A little more on the jaw, though. *points*  
  
Heero: *squirts*  
  
Trowa: *glares at Duo* *resumes passive expression* Oh that's much better. Thank you.  
  
Heero: How on earth did you get stuck like that, Mr. Tinman?  
  
Trowa: *scowls* See typed it up on the keyboard and suddenly I couldn't move.  
  
Heero: I meant in the play baka. Be careful with things like that.  
  
Trowa: Why?  
  
Duo: See's developed a passion for striking people with lightening.  
  
Trowa: O_O *remembers that his costume conducts electricity nicely* Oh god....Yeah, as I was saying, I was out here chopping wood and then it started to rain and before I could get away I had rusted tight!  
  
Heero: Oh poor Tinman! How terrible!  
  
Duo: You sure are a piece of work, though. Amazing! A man made out of tin.  
  
Trowa: Not quite. The tin-smith who made me left out one important part. Bang on my chest.  
  
Duo: *obliges* Wow! What an echo!  
  
Trowa: It's empty. I haven't got a heart.  
  
Heero and Duo: No _heart_?  
  
Trowa: No heart. What I wouldn't give for one.  
  
Heero and Duo: *wait expectantly*  
  
Trowa: *doesn't do anything*  
  
Duo: Well?  
  
Trowa: ...?  
  
Duo: Aren't you going to sing?  
  
Trowa: Of course not. I don't sing.  
  
Duo: Yes you do, I hear you in the shower all the time.  
  
Trowa: I _play_ music in the shower. I don't sing.  
  
Duo: Liar.  
  
Trowa: I'm not singing.  
  
Heero: That could be the first symptom of electrocution.  
  
Trowa: *pales* *looks up* See, do I really have to?  
  
Director: I'll let you skip it if you skip to the next part.  
  
Trowa: Deal.  
  
Duo: Lucky stiff.....  
  
Heero: *shrugs* Well, we're going to see the Wizard of Oz (fanfare) to get the Scarecrow a brain and me a ride home!  
  
Trowa: I always knew Duo didn't have a brain.  
  
Duo: Hey, watch it!  
  
Heero: *interupts* ANYWAY I'm sure the wizard will give you a heart!  
  
Trowa: You'll let me come with you?  
  
Duo: Not after the brain comment.  
  
Heero: *glares* Of course you can! Let's go!  
  
Director: NOW you have to sing. All of you.  
  
Heero: *scowls*  
  
Duo: Well, as long as Trowa has to sing too....don't forget your axe!  
  
Trowa: *grimacing at the thought of singing* *grabs axe* *links arms with Heero*  
  
Heero: *links arms with Duo* Let's get this over with.....  
  
(fade to director)  
  
See: *typing* Hehehehehe......heh....and then they trip....*notices that the scene has ended* *closes laptop* Hi again. I'm working on the next part as we speak, so it will be up really soon. 4-5 days, or so. Don't miss it! Fei-chan is gonna _sing_!! And remember, the more you review, the faster I update (now that I'm back on the job). You've been doing great so far, don't stop now! Bai-bai! 


	5. Guess Who's Back?

**The Wizard of Oz**

  


As Twisted by _The Blue Seeress_

  


Starring the Gundam Wing Cast! (which I do not own!)

  
  
  
(fade in on Blue Seeress)  
  
See: I don't have much to say for this, really.....Zech's reappears after a long silence. Excuse me a moment.  
  
Chikra (muse sprite): *flies in* The fans are in place. No matter where he hovers, they'll work.  
  
See: *smiles* *hoity-toity British voice* Marvelous, marvelous. Just splendid. *reverts to normal* You'll see what they're for soon. Oh yeah, and Wuffers is actually not in this chapter....it got too long, and I was getting pinged to post. It's late. I'm sorry.  
  
Chikra: Someone was pinging _you_, for a change?  
  
See: It had to happen someday.  
  
Chikra: Since when do you let people ping on you?  
  
See: Since they are too far away for me to strangle for pinging. Anyway, now to acknowledge the reviewers of the previous chapter:  
  
To Aoi Ken: Plot to kill Duo? Dammit, boy, I have enough to worry about!!! Stop trying to kill my characters.  
  
Well, at least you think it's funny. And thanks for _finally_ reviewng, how dare you ping me for not posting a new one when you haven't even reviewed the other!  
  
To SinisterMarmalade: Ok, I shaved the deadline a bit ^_^ sorry. But it's up! You can't deny that it is up! More squabbling in this chapter too, enjoy.  
  
To GW-Imp: O.O You Ok? You sound kinda spastic right now.....but, yes, lot's of people appear to have liked the oil can bit ^_^ *See pats herself on the back*.  
  
To Gelfling: You did mean lightening, right? Ah well, I can never spell either. New special effect to keep my characters in line here, I hope you like that too!  
  
To Spaz: Yes, you are special! Everyone who reviews is special! Post soon so I can read yours, too (be reviewed and review alike, I always say!).  
  
To Chiki: *worries about your plan to make me post* Um...I've posted now, so we can stop plotting. I'll post more shortly, there's some more stuff I'm at the point of finishing as well. Next week, I promise!  
  
I'd also like to issue a huge **THANK YOU** to everyone who reviewed!!! You ROCK!!   
The rest of you know what to do....I hope....  
  
(Darkish scene in woods. Enter Trowa, Duo and Heero, arms linked and singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road".)  
  
Heero: *halts abrubtly* Suddenly I get this feeling we don't have to sing anymore.  
  
Duo: *off key* Were off to see the wizard, that horrible bastard Treize! *blinks* What did you say?  
  
Trowa: STOP SINGING!!  
  
Duo: Sheesh, he either mimes or shouts. No middle ground at all. Are we at the next scene already?  
  
Heero: *points at abadoned farm house* This looks like the place.  
  
Trowa: ....?  
  
Heero: .....  
  
Trowa: O_O ....?  
  
Heero: .....!  
  
Trowa: *_*  
  
Duo: *whines* Would you two stop that!? I don't have any idea what either of you just said!  
  
Heero: Calm down, Duo. Trowa asked what made this abandoned farm house any different than the last half dozen. I pointed out the fans posted in strategic locations. Trowa asked what the fans where for, and I told him.  
  
Duo: So what _are_ they for?  
  
Heero: To blow Zech's skirt up of course.  
  
Duo: Who the heck would want to look up Zech's skirt? *blinks* Man, that's a funny concept. Zechs in a _skirt_!!  
  
Heero: *shudders* Not me. But there are numerous fangirls who would enjoy it.  
  
Duo: And where are they?  
  
Heero: The audience, of course.  
  
Trowa: O_O .....!?!?!?  
  
Duo: *pained expression* For the sake of my sanity, please use _words_ not mime!  
  
Trowa: *glares at him* See, there _is_ a middle ground. Bakayaro. I asked where the hell the all-fucking audience was.  
  
Duo: And when he _does_ speak it's to utter profanities. Such a mouth.  
  
Trowa: *flexes fingers menacingly* *tries not to strangle Duo*  
  
Heero: I believe that in addition to fans, See has set up cameras. This isn't really a stage, you know.  
  
Trowa: O_O  
  
Duo: What's with the face?  
  
Trowa: I don't remember gelling my hair this morning.....  
  
Heero: *lifts eyebrow* _You_ forgot to gel your hair?  
  
Trowa: I was too hung over.  
  
Duo: -_- Don't worry, I'm sure there's enough residue from the past 17 years to keep it in place.  
  
Trowa: *growls* *starts towards Duo*  
  
Heero: *intercepts* He meant it looks fine.  
  
Trowa: Oh. Alright.  
  
Duo: *bored* Zechs is late.  
  
Heero: Surprise, surprise. He was late to our last battle too.  
  
Trowa: *blinks* ...?  
  
Heero: *eyes narrow speculatively* Perhaps....  
  
Duo: Hee-_chaaaaaaaaaaaaaan_ stop that! Perhaps what? You're getting as bad as him! *points accusingly at Trowa*  
  
Trowa: I prefer to think of it as getting as _good_ as me.  
  
Duo: Shut up! You're corrupting my Hee-koi!  
  
(A cloud of smoke obscures a small area of the scene)  
  
Zechs: *coughing* Goddamn SMOKE!  
  
(smokes starts to disperse, revealing Zechs in the middle hovering on his broom)  
  
Zechs: *flaps arms around to make the smoke go away* *overbalances* *falls of broom* KUSO!! Fucking broom!  
  
(Zech's skirt falls over his head)  
  
Fangirls: O_O ^_^  
  
Trowa: ~_~ ...!  
  
Duo: Hah! Nice boxers Zechs!  
  
Zechs: *still trying to get on top of his broom* Fuck off!  
  
Heero: *smirking* Stop baiting him, Duo.  
  
Duo: No, really, I like his boxers! _I_ want a pair of purple ones with chibi-epyons on them!  
  
Zechs: *finally gets on top*  
  
Fangirls: *laugh at the inuendo there*  
  
Heero: *unemotional* Eek. It's the wicked bitch of the west.  
  
Zechs: *glares* That's _Mr._ wicked bitch of the west to you, my pretty!  
  
Heero: *glares back* Don't call me that.  
  
Zechs: Or you'll what....my pretty?  
  
Heero: *reaches into pants for bazooka* What the....I put it right here....*rumages around in pants*  
  
Fangirls: *drool*  
  
Duo: *drools in concert* Uh...need some help finding you're bazooka, Hee-chan?  
  
Trowa: *squints eyes tighter* *covers ears* ....!  
  
Heero: Damn it, I know I put the fucker _right here!_ SEEEEE!!!  
  
Voice of Director: What? Did you honestly think I'd let you shoot Zechsy?  
  
Heero: Don't you here what he's calling me?  
  
Voice of Director: How's about, just once, you solve a personality conflict with_out_ a fire arm, hm?  
  
Heero: *confused* Huh?  
  
VoD: *sighs* I give up. Just do the scene.  
  
Heero: *still confused*  
  
Zechs: *smirking* Well, now, my pretty....oh crap, I forgot what I'm supposed to do next.  
  
Trowa: *peeks one eye open* ...?  
  
Zechs: Oh yeah, I _do_ get to light Duo on fire! But there's something else first....  
  
Heero: You threaten us first.  
  
Zechs: *sniffs* Threats aren't really my style. But yes, Duo, I'll stuff a matress wiuth you, and yes, Trowa, I'll make a beehive out of you, and.....hm....I think I'll feed my pretty here to the monkeys. *smiles*  
  
Duo: Dude, that was so off the actual lines.  
  
Zechs: Fuck off, at least I said something.  
  
(Fan starts up. Zechs' skirt flows up.)  
  
Zechs: Arrgh! *muffled in skirt* *flies hastily to another spot*  
  
Fans over there: *start*  
  
Zechs' Broom: *spins randomnly in conflicting gale*  
  
Zechs: KUUUuuuUUUuuuUUUuuuSOOOoooOOOO!!! *spinning*  
  
Duo: *laughs crazily*  
  
Fangirls: STOP TORTURING ZECHSY!!!!  
  
(Cloud of smoke covers Zechs, clears, revealing Zechs is no longer among us)  
  
Fangirls: *pout*  
  
Heero: That was weird.  
  
Trowa: *peeks eyes slowly* *sighs in relief* *blinks* DAMN!!  
  
Duo and Heero: What?  
  
Trowa: He forgot to set Duo on fire!  
  
Duo: THAT'S IT!!! *lunges at Trowa*  
  
Trowa: *flips out of the way* *freezes in mid air*  
  
Duo: *similarly frozen*  
  
VoD: STOP FIGHTING AND SAY YOUR GODDAMN LINES!!  
  
Trowa: *unfreezes* *falls*  
  
Duo: Hah!! Serves you right! *falls out of mid-lunge* Ow....  
  
Heero: Look on the bright side, you're both un-zapped.  
  
VoD: But you'd better work _real_ hard to stay that way. The acting's been going to pot, guys, let's haul it up a notch.  
  
Duo: *salutes* As you command, boss-director-chic.  
  
Heero: Damn. *adjusts into DOROTHY mode* Oh no! Poor Scarecrow!! Oh this is all my fault!  
  
Duo: I'm alright.  
  
Trowa: Yeah, because Zechs flaked.  
  
(thunder crackles ominously)  
  
Trowa: *gulps* *shuts up*  
  
Duo: That made me really mad though! I'll come with you to see the Wizard now, Dorothy, whether I get a brain or not! Let her...him?....ah screw it...._try_ to stuff a mattress with me!!  
  
Trowa: I'll come with you too, whether I get a heart or not! Beehive, bah! I'd like to see her try!  
  
Heero: *eyes tear up* You guys are the best friends anyone could ask for! Let's go!  
  
(All skip off, singing about killing that horrible bastard Treize.)  
  
(fade to Director and Mihal, muse-dragon)  
  
See: *scowling* How many times must I tell them that they're supposed to kill ZECHS. Not Treize, ZECHS.  
  
Mihal: 'Tis a most perplexing concept. Thou hatest far more the Colonel than the Marquise.  
  
See: Point....but Zechs is playing the witch!  
  
Mihal: Thou speaketh soothly.  
  
See: Are you being sarcastic with me?  
  
Mihal: *smirking* _I_?  
  
See: Forget it. *to readers* Ok, you know what to do, so do it! I'll see you next chapter. 


End file.
